It’s what you’re not saying that’s destroying your relationships…
The plain truth of intimacy is this: It’s what we’re not saying in our relationships that’s slowly killing them. Withholding the important and even the trivial, over time, fosters resentment and mistrust, eroding intimacy. And it’s not just the negative stuff that we don’t say that’s detrimental; withheld acknowledgements and appreciations are just as toxic to the health of intimacy and connection as withheld frustrations and upsets.
Men and women should be talking about the scary stuff and sharing the things that they are afraid will end the relationship. Until we do that, we’re spending our relationship lives “walking on eggshells,” and it’s my belief that risking ending a relationship by being honest and transparent leads to a more fulfilling life than “not rocking the boat” for 5, 10, 20 or more years.
If sharing with a loved one your scariest and most shameful wants, fears and desires ends the relationship, I think you’re both better off in the long run. How many people do you know who “stuck it out” only to arrive at the end of their lives with a boat load of regrets, resentment and disappointing “I wish I’d _________ when I was younger” to show for it? Of the ones who did stick it out and were the better for it, I’d wager that they were more honest and transparent in their relationships.